First, the honest ground rule: this decision belongs to the two people inside the relationship, and to no quiz, list, or reading. What an outside eye can do is help you weigh the right things — because most people asking this question are weighing the wrong ones: the last fight, the worst month, the way it feels tonight.
The single most useful distinction: is what's failing a pattern or the foundation? A pattern is the loop you're stuck in — the recurring fight, the drifted intimacy, the roommate season. Patterns feel enormous from inside, but they are, structurally, weather: painful, repeating, and changeable, because patterns are made of two people's halves and either half can move. A foundation problem is different — the absence of respect, of safety, of the basic experience of being taken seriously by the person beside you. Foundations are what patterns stand on. Couples routinely end relationships over bad weather while standing on good foundations; others spend years repainting rooms in a house with no floor.
So the weighing questions are: When we're not in the loop, is there something here I recognize and want? Do I feel fundamentally respected — taken seriously — even when we're at our worst? Has either of us actually changed our half of the pattern, or only promised to? And the hard one: am I staying for what this is, or for what I keep hoping it will become? Answered honestly, these four do more than a hundred quizzes.
This is the distinction two birth charts are unusually good at drawing. The comparison shows what is structural between you — the genuine harmonies (shared love languages, mutual steadiness, values cut from the same cloth) and the genuine frictions (mismatched conflict rhythms, colliding temperaments) — which is to say, it shows what the foundation is actually made of, independent of this month's weather. Couples in a hard season are often astonished to find their charts describing real, durable structure underneath a pattern they'd mistaken for the whole relationship — and sometimes the reverse, a chemistry that was always going to need more tending than either expected. The charts won't tell you whether to stay. They'll show you, honestly, what you'd be staying with — and that is usually the missing piece of the weighing.